Decisions, Decisions

In general, I do not enjoy difficult decisions. I spend an outrageous amount of time weighing options, pros and cons, and stressing myself out. Each school presented its own set of attractive qualities. I wanted them all!

Money was still an issue. Because I had changed jobs halfway through the year, I was now making a much lower adjunct salary than I had been making teaching at a public high school.  This didn’t translate in my tax return, which is the document that financial aid is based on. I had heard that some schools have an appeals process after initial scholarships have been awarded. I tried to appeal and present my case for more funding due to my low income. MICA didn’t not offer an appeal option, but the other schools did and each added several thousand dollars to my award.

MICA was the first to be crossed off my list. The tuition was already more expensive, the program lasted an extra year, and I honestly couldn’t get past its location in Baltimore. That might sound a little narrow of me, but I put a lot of weight on environment.

The other three were much more difficult to let go of. I was holding onto the idea of going to school in California. I knew that my significant other and I planned to move there in 5 or 6 years. I thought this would be a great way to establish connections there for potential teaching jobs. MFA programs seem to be very loyal to their alumni and often hire them after they graduate. I also love Northern California and thought it would be a great excuse to spend my summers there. I liked the slower, less competitive vibe I felt in my interactions with faculty and staff, especially with the summer’s visiting artists/faculty. But I had trouble getting in touch with students and that seemed a bit problematic.

My other issue with SFAI was that damn US News ranking. It came in around #25. SAIC was #2. I felt like part of this was the faculty and reputation the school had established. I thought that it might be more beneficial to capitalize on the name associated with SAIC and their legacy of renowned alumni. Sadly, I wrote the break-up letter to SFAI. I hesitated before hitting the “send” button.

At this point, UArts had offered me more money—half price tuition and a paid assistantship. It was so much more affordable than SAIC and closer to my family. The money weighed on me heavily. It didn’t rank high on the US News list—somewhere around 54.  I reasoned that no matter where I went, I would work my ass off and make things happen for myself. 

But I needed to make the networking count. If my MFA was just about cheap education, I could go to the state school 15 minutes from my house. I wanted the reputation that went along with a top school. Call me crazy. I thought that it would be to my advantage in the long run. Thinking ahead, I might be more likely to get a position at whatever school I attend, like my current situation. (I teach/adjunct at the private college where I received my BFA and MA.) Experience teaching at a top school could lead to another good job when I'm ready to move to the west coast. (There was a lot of rationalizing going on.)

I decided I would ask SAIC for more money. Again. Admissions thought this might be a possibility depending on their final enrollment. They said they would get back to me in a couple of days. This turned into three long weeks. In the end, they said they couldn’t up the award, but offered me a writing fellowship with a $1000 stipend to help relieve a little pressure of having no income while I was out there.

I talked to the director Gregg Bordowitz about the new program. He was very passionate about the plans for our group. He framed it as a new model of art education, which was something that I was interested in being a part of. I have a lot of experience building programs from scratch and felt a connection and excitement about being on the ground floor of this new endeavor in such a reputable institution.

I said a painful goodbye to UArts (for the second time) and gulped down the high tuition cost of SAIC in hopes that the connections and reputation at SAIC would pay off. I felt like I was gambling.