Community

I’m not exactly the most social person, but community is something that is very important to me. One of things that I love about my crew at SAIC is the sense of comradery that we developed in six short/long weeks. One of the professors even remarked at the lack of competitive tension with us that is often present in other graduate programs. I was told that the selection committee was really concerned about putting together a diverse but cohesive group of individuals/experiences. With such a large group (37!!) that seems like quite a challenge, but I think they were very successful with this. Maybe there is also something about experiencing such an extreme and intense 6 weeks in an environment where you don’t know anyone at first (which was the case for most of us) that helps create those bonds.

With our group it became apparent pretty quickly that most of us were willing to be vulnerable with each other through our work, discussions, and the life we would share. There is something incredibly beautiful about that immediate (and unexpected) vulnerability that is related to openness, courage, and humility in a many ways.

Though we had many opportunities to socialize and share life at the school, some of our best times were off campus, after hours (if there is such a thing for low-res), eating, drinking, and exploring. (Falafel Saturday’s, anyone?) This can be difficult when you are physically, intellectually, and emotionally drained after your 12 hour+ day on campus, when you can’t even form a coherent sentence and conversation seems like an insurmountable challenge. Make time for it though! It’s worth it.

In my opinion, one of the important parts of grad school is the relationships you make, not just in a superficial or net-working type of way, but those meaningful, thoughtful, lasting types.  This is just as important (maybe more important) than time spent in the studio.

I wasn’t exactly sure how those summer bonds would translate during the online classes off-campus, but they have. We immediately set up a facebook group and are in constant contact through social media, class discussion posts, email, blogs, and actually hanging out with people in our region. There are sleepovers, and some groups set up video chat “camping trips.” 

Even though we are spread out, I’m still feeling the love. And I’m pretty sure there is going to be a lot of celebrating when we all come together again next summer.

Going to Therapy (er, um, critiques)

My critiques in this program have been like going to therapy. Maybe not “like” going to therapy. Just going to therapy. Pretty pricey therapy sessions. 

The first time I experienced this, it knocked the wind out of me, immediately. I couldn't speak; I was stunned, grateful, overwhelmed, fighting back tears welling up from somewhere deep in my guts. It had never happened before, and I assumed it would never happen again.

The second time it happened was during a group crit. (Maybe group therapy.) At one point, listening to the observations of my peers, I felt a wave of panic rush through me and realized that I was standing naked in front of these people. “Oh, shit. They saw me.” I wanted to hide behind the clothes hanging in my studio. I hoped they didn’t notice.

In both these instances, the work evoked feelings and ideas that I had not intended to address, but were very, very real in my present experience. I didn't want anyone to see those parts of me. The second crit happened a week ago, and I am still making new discoveries and connections based on it. It has been re-playing alongside every thought and conversation and decision I have been making.

I remember, during a highly entertaining lecture, Jerry Saltz encouraging the audience to “Dance naked in public.” I always loved that quote and the bravery of that type of vulnerability, but I don’t think I fully realized the power of that simple statement until now.

What shocked me in the first crit was the immediacy of these very personal statements. “Depression is actually anger that can’t be communicated…There is something more violent about erasing existence than death.” In the second crit, it was the depth to which these issues cut. “It is so feminine, but completely non-sexual… Can the feminine exist without the female?” And in a third crit, “There is an overwhelming absence of the body.” I was floored. And it all started to make perfect sense. I thought of my mother, my grandmother, my sisters, my father, former lovers, my current boyfriend. These bodies. But mostly, I thought of myself. This body. And the bodies around me now as I walk through space.

I felt like I had shared some intimate secret with that critique group. I felt like I trusted them now. They had seen a part of me before I had seen it myself.

Spontaneously, buried things are coming to the surface. It is like my subconscious is reaching up from a dark pit and merging with my conscious thought. That sounds like Freud in an embarrassing, cheesy way.

I am making my own black paintings.

Week One : Insanity

Warning: This post contains an overwhelming amount of scheduling details.

view from the Holiday Inn's Bar near Merchandise Mart

I don’t think I was prepared for the craziness that is Week One. My boyfriend Michael and I left for Chicago early on Thursday morning, spent the night with his family in Michigan, and arrived on campus around lunch time on Friday to pick up my student ID before heading to my new apartment. I unpacked on Friday and did a little bit of exploring my neighborhood that evening. Saturday, we headed down to the Blues Fest in Millennium Park, did some sight-seeing,

figured out the transportation system, and spent a little more time in my neighborhood. It was all good, and I was glad to be there a few days ahead of time so I could get my bearings.

empty studio

Sunday was our studio move-in and orientation. We had a scary-ish safety lecture, general studio guidelines talk, some brief introductions and then a wait for our studio assignments. This took about 2 hours; then we could start moving in to our studios. I had Michael pull the car up to their loading dock in the ally and used the service elevator to get my supplies up in one shot. I headed back to my place to say a very sad goodbye to Michael (as he left for New York) before heading back downtown for my meeting with writing fellows and some unpacking in the studio. It was a busy day, but I managed fine.

breakfast on the beach

Monday was program orientation. I was up early to eat breakfast on the beach as the sun was coming up. I thought it would be a good way to start of my first real day. We had to be downtown by 9 for a couple hours of introductions and opening remarks before splitting up for school wide tours. This got to be a bit grueling. Have I mentioned how enormous the school is? Wear comfortable shoes because this is a lot of walking. I almost considered cutting out early because I already did a basic tour when I was visiting the school, but I hung in to see a few areas that I had missed the first time. We finished around 4:30, just in time for an opening reception they had for us. I stayed for a bit, then headed over to hear an artist lecture happening in the museum that evening. Afterward, I came back to the reception to talk with faculty, fellow students, and sign up for studio visits and artists we would be presenting on. After my half hour train ride home, I was back by 8 and totally exhausted.

We had authorizations scheduled for the next few days. Authorizations are mandatory classes you must take for any shop or specialty equipment you are considering working with. I wanted to leave my options open so I signed up for wood shop, fibers, die cut, 3D scanning, specialty cameras, premiere pro, lighting, and recording device orientations. I wanted to cover all my bases. There were many more options, but my schedule was already filling up in an uncomfortable way. The authorizations were sprinkled throughout the week and made the week extra hectic.

Wood shop was the first and longest on Tuesday. I left the house at 7 to have a little more time to set up my studio before the wood shop orientation at 10. It lasted about an hour and half and went over the basic equipment. We had to make cuts on the band saw, chop saw, and table saw before being “authorized.”

As a writing fellow, I had to meet with my philosophy class to introduce myself and explain my role working one-on-one with them throughout the short semester. I would review 7 writing samples per week and the students would sign-up for time slots to meet with me. I worked with two three week classes of undergrads—Intro to Philosophy and a class on Existentialism. It was a good opportunity to learn more about these areas. As writing fellows, we are “common readers” which means that even though we are not experts in the subjects, the papers that students are writing are still accessible to us, and we can provide writing feedback about forming arguments, supporting their claims and organizing their thoughts.

Next up was our first class in Professional Practice from 1-4:30. This was packed with more introductory information about the services available on campus. By now, I was on complete information overload. I’m not sure how much I actually retained.

We had a break to hit the studio or grab dinner before meeting for a reading and discussion by Nathanael from 6-7:30.  Another packed day but I was home by 8:30, exhausted again.

Wednesday had me nervous because we had a screening scheduled for 10 pm, and I was still unsure about taking trains so late. I packed a small overnight bag in case I needed to crash in the studio. I left the house by 9am to get to my first 10am art history course Attention. Class went til 12:30. Fiber authorization at 1. Doctor’s appointment at 2:30 for school immunizations. Trip to the health office. Realized I lost my phone. Tracked it down at the doctor’s office. Met with my adviser and my critique group from 5-7:30 to check out everyone’s work. The screening was bumped up to 9pm for the evening and we were out by 11:30. You guessed it. I was exhausted. I knew I had to be back on campus for my 10am class in less than 12 hours. By this time, I was so frustrated at the non-stop schedule. I knew I had to present my work to my crit group on Friday, and I had barely had time to do any work. I was upset, frustrated, and tired. So I decided to crash at the studio. This is not technically allowed or encouraged, but we do have 24 hr access to the studio so I figured one night couldn’t hurt. I grabbed the couch cushions from the common area and laid a camping mat over top and passed out.

I was up at 6 on Thursday to eat and get a little work time in before my art history class at 10. Class went til 12:30 with a short break before Professional Practices from 1-3:30. I picked up my first round of papers from philosophy students, and decided I needed to get home, eat an actual meal, chill out, and refocus. I was home by 6 for the first time all week. I ate, read through some philosophy papers, started reading for next week’s art history homework and was in bed by 10. Hurray! I needed that.

3D Scanning

Friday morning at 9 was my favorite authorization. It was for 3D scanning which was super cool. Afterwards I had a little bit of time to set up for my group crit later in the day. I had a plotter cutter authorization at 2, a quick meeting with my philosophy teacher, group crits from 4-5:45, Josiah McElheny’s artist lecture from 6-7:30. Grabbed food with a couple girls, then headed home.

Saturday is colloquium from 10-4. So no sleeping in. It went quicker than I expected and was pretty interesting. More on that in another post. More work in the studio. Then home to read for class.

Sunday I slept in and made myself a big breakfast. I did laundry and cleaned, which felt great and normal. I stopped by the farmers market for a gluten-free cookie before heading downtown around noon. I wanted to spend a good chunk of time in the studio prepping for my one-on-one visit with Josiah on Monday. (More on how that went later.)

I was intimidated. As I arrived at the studio, I ran into two classmates who had just had their meetings with Josiah. They were visibly frazzled and on their way to get a drink. I overheard him with another student. There were tears. This did not calm my nerves. I wanted my meeting to go well so I focused on getting as much work done as possible. I worked til 8:30. It was the first time in a long time that I had spent 8 uninterrupted hours working in the studio. It felt amazing. Finally. And exciting.

That 8 hours would have to hold me over for the next week as well. Things were just as busy the next week. There were many moments when I asked, “When do I get to make art?” That part was very frustrating, especially since it’s only a six week program. One thing to remember though is that grad school, especially for low-res students is about more than being in your studio. It’s about the connections you are making, feedback, and all sorts of growing and stretching. Hang in there. They keep you so busy, but you do actually get studio time. Things settle down a little after the first two weeks of authorization nightmares.

Some advice about authorizations. Try to be very selective with what you choose the first week. You are only here for 6 weeks. You will not have time to play with all the cool equipment that SAIC offers. AND there will be other opportunities for you to get authorized if you really need to be. There is already so much to do the first week and sooooo much new information. I’d pick your top 2-3 areas for authorizations.

Packing

We had great weather in Chicago this year, but I was told it was very mild compared to most. That said, when it comes to packing here are a few things to consider.

1)      The rooms are freezing. SAIC air conditioning bills must be through the roof, because even on cool days, the AC runs in the low to mid 60's. Most of us were always cold and some of the girls would pile on scarves, sweaters, hats, and even blankets. You might think that since it’s summertime, you wouldn’t need warm clothes, but you will need a sweatshirt for sure. You will spend more time in AC than outdoors. Layers are a good idea too since you might go from a 60 degree classroom to a 90 degree walk home.

2)      Rain showers can be a daily occurrence. Since we are right on the lake, the chance for precipitation is high. City life involves a bit of walking so an umbrella is a must. I also brought my rain boots and practically wore them out. Even on nice days, there might be a passing shower on your way to class or the train.

3)      There is a lot of walking/schlepping things around campus. Bring comfy shoes, and definitely something with a covered toe for any work in the shops. Leave the heels and stilettos at home.

4)      Do a bit of research about what’s available on campus in terms of your studio supplies/gear.  There is a ton of technology to rent out like projectors and cameras, sound recorders, speakers, but you can only take it out for a few days at a time. You can NOT rent out laptops, which stinks. There are also lots of tools in the shops, but it’s a good idea to bring some basics like a screw gun, hammer, tape measure, or any equipment you will need quick access to. You will be expected to paint your floor and walls in the studio at the end of the summer so a roller and cover might be a good idea if you have one handy. (If not, you can borrow or get one from Target for $10.) Dick Blick, Staples, Office Max and Target are a short block away if you need art supplies or general supplies in a pinch. Many of the shops on campus stock supplies like wood and metal and basic hardware too. This cuts down on the amount of hauling you have to do.

5)      Depending on your living situation and your tolerance to humidity, you might want to bring a small fan. We had a few really humid days and the AC in my apt wasn’t the greatest. The fan was a big help.

6)      If you are driving and have room, bring some cooking essentials. This will save you money. I brought things like olive oil, lunch bags, sponges, coffee filters, my favorite wooden spoon, a small pot and pan that I already had at home. Your time is very limited, but if you plan right, you can make some of your food for the week. This will keep you fueled up and not break the bank any more than you already are by choosing SAIC. There is (or at least there was) a fridge, microwave, coffee pot, and toaster at the studio to help out with those of us bring meals to the studio.

7)      In general, I am a fan of the idea that less is more. You are here for 6 weeks and they are jam-packed with things to do. You barely have time to eat during the first week. I’d suggest that you don’t need to bring your whole wardrobe, but consider a couple key comforts. For me, that happened to be a beach blanket and my down comforter. They took up slightly more room, but I downsized some other areas like wardrobe and shoes.

Planes, Trains, and Automo-ubers (and bikes and buses) : Getting Around Chicago

I had considered bringing my car, and I probably could have here in Roger's Park. Since I’m on the beach there are a lot of paid parking spots in the lot that are free from 8pm to 8 am. All the streets nearby are free parking, but there is occasional street cleaning and you have to be on the lookout for posted signs so you know when to move your car. My boyfriend came out with his car for a week and had no trouble finding free parking.

Parking in the loop, however, is not the best idea. It’s tough to find street parking and garages are outrageous. Street parking is only free on Sunday. If you’re there during certain times in the winter, they don’t even have street parking. SAIC’s campus is right along the park and there are tons of events and festivals all summer that make parking even more of a hassle. So just take the train.

The train system is so easy. I’m on the red line north which is a pretty safe, clean ride. The CTA uses the Ventra system. You “purchase” a credit card looking thing (Ventra card) for $5 from a vending machine at the el (elevated train) entrance. Once you register it online with Ventra, they credit you the $5 in train fare. Registering is a good idea because if your card is lost or stolen, you can have your balance transferred to a new card. The card is a swipeless card. You just tap it at the train turnstile or kiosk on the bus for entrance.

Full time fall/spring SAIC students have the option of paying SAIC $100 for a UPass which is unlimited riding trains and buses for the whole semester. Awesome deal, but low res and summer students do not get this option yet, nor do we qualify for reduced fares. 

Since we are a six week program with class pretty much every day, even weekends, the best option for daily riders for our 6 weeks is to buy one 30 day pass ($100 in 2014) and two 7 day passes ($28 each). This works out if you are using the train to and from school every day. You save even more if you’re an explorer taking the train multiple times a day. If you figure train fare is $4.50 round trip ($2.25 each way on train, $2.00 on bus, .25 for transfers) and you do that once a day for a week, that’s $31.50. So you save $3.50 per week with a 7 day pass ($28) and $35 per month for the 30 day pass if you only averaged one ride a day. More riding would save more money.

Sorry, I just geeked out on that math. I like to save money.

So bus v. train? Some people recommend taking the bus after dark instead of the train because you never have to worry about being alone on a train car or alone with a creepo on a train car since the bus driver is always there. I much prefer the train because it’s faster and stops at every stop, every time. With the bus you have to pull the cord for your stop or they might pass it. I’ve ridden the train as late as 1:00 in the morning from Chinatown to Roger’s Park with no issue, but that was on a weekend when there are more people out. Busses stop running around 10:30/11. The Red Line runs 24 hours.

As far as what other lines are like, I haven’t ridden them all, but I hear it can be a little scarier going south or west. I rode the green, pink, brown, and blue. They were all fine, but the trains were noticeably older.

Plenty of people bike as an alternative. If you live near the water, you can pretty much take the bike path along the parks until you get to Millennium Park and have to go into town. You can also take bikes on the el or the bus. I heard through the grapevine that there are some bike shops that will rent bikes for longer periods of time. 

There are also Divvy bike stations all over the loop (similar to citi bikes in NYC) if you are taking quick trips. You can get a $7/24 hr pass by swiping your credit card at the the kiosk. This gives you unlimited 30 minute rides all day, kiosk to kiosk. It would be good for an exploring/touristy day or a quick trip. If you live close to a a Divvy bike station that is less than a 30 minute ride to campus, this would work out well for you also since you could park at the Divvy station along the park. You could get the$75 pass and take the bike instead of the train. Anything over 30 minutes adds a couple bucks per half hour; so if you're more than a 30 minute bike ride, it wouldn't work out to save money.  You can get a yearly membership for something like $75 which gives unlimited 30 minute rides and smaller fees for longer trips.

If you’re ever considering a cab for one of those areas that’s harder to get to by train (cough…Pilsen), consider using Uber which is pretty much a social media cab. You can download the app, type in your destination, and get a price for a fare. If you accept, the transaction goes through paypal, no money is actually exchanged. You are sent the cabbie’s license plate number (he’s in a regular, unmarked car)and wait for him to pick you up. From main campus, 4 of us took an Uber to Pilsen for $7. Our friends who took a regular cab were charged $15. I suppose the big question people have about Uber is safety. The drivers undergo an extensive background check to be a part of Uber, but if you’re skeptical skip it or go in a big group.

If you need to rent a car for the day, check out zip cars. There are stations all over the city and you can rent by the hour. This might be handy if you are hauling some large materials from one end of town to the other.

If you’re flying in, there are trains to O’Hare (blue line) and Midway (orange line).

It’s pretty easy to get around Chicago. I was comfortable with trains already, but if you’re not used to it, do a little research. You’ll be fine after a few days.

Finding My Corner of Chicago

Once I finally made the commitment to SAIC, I felt much better. I could focus on figuring out the logistics. That’s the fun part for me. I had already been scoping out housing before I made the official decision. Campus housing costs started somewhere around $2500 for six weeks, which seemed outrageous on my tiny budget, especially since I had bills to pay back home while I was going to school. I was on a very tight budget of $500/month with the hopes that someone would pro-rate me for the extra two weeks—a total of $750 for my six week stay.

I started combing through craigslist ads for sublets in April. Yes, craigslist. (I know that seems risky to some people. As an alternative you might try air bnb.) There were a few sublets that were one bedroom swaps as students went home for the summer. This seemed like a better option than living in a house with four 22 year olds, even though it would cost a little extra. No offense against 22 years olds! Let me just add that I’m a 30 year old woman who lives a relatively low key, simple life and appreciates solitude and privacy.

Most of the apartments I found were pretty far south of the loop, but a few were in Pilsen which is very close to the loop, has a pretty hopping art crowd and an amazingly cheap bar called the Skylark. Depending on which part it can be a bit of a walk to a train though. 

I had a few friends in Chicago and asked for their input about where I should look for apartments. There was a resounding “north” for safety concerns and affordability. Lincoln Park was really dense with restaurants, shops and lots to do. Lake View, and Old Town were similarly trendy. Buck Town was slightly more residential and someone described Wicker Park to me as a hipster town.. Evanston was beautiful but as far north as you could go in Chicago and still have access to the CTA trains, which was critical since I wasn’t bringing my car. I found a housing co-op near the purple line for around $450 run by students from Northwestern U, but didn’t love the idea of living with 6 other strangers.

View of Lake Michigan from a Rogers Park beach.

And then I found the perfect place for me. Rogers Park. It was just south of Evanston, along the red line, in a diverse and safe family neighborhood. I got really lucky with a roommate my age in a great apartment half a block to the beach, across from a park, one long block to the Morse train, and right in front of the 147 express bus to downtown. It fit my budget perfectly. There was a coffee shop on the corner, a hipster taco-whisky bar, and an awesome market off the train stop. It was a little farther of a commute than I intended, 35 minutes to the loop’s Monroe stop on the train (one short block to campus), but so worth it for the beach! More about Rogers Park another time.  Note: I always leave my house one hour before I have to be on campus in case I just miss a train or there are unexpected delays.

I’m all about location, location, location. I want my home to be a haven from the craziness of the loop and the insanity of the low res program. So the beach option helps a ton. I use my art history readings as an excuse to hang out at the beach on Sunday mornings. I enjoy the quieter neighborhood and local farmers market. It feels like home. I’m considering Evanston next year, too, since it can be tricky to find things in Rogers Park. I don’t mind the train ride because it’s a good way for me to decompress, read, write or plan my day.

On the other hand, living on campus puts you right in the middle of it all. Chances are you can spend more time with the other low-res members who live in the dorms. I feel like I miss out on a certain aspect of community since I’m not downtown. Next year I'm going to try to organize getting a house with other low res student.

So, for house hunting, my advice is start looking early, know what you want, and do your research.

Decisions, Decisions

In general, I do not enjoy difficult decisions. I spend an outrageous amount of time weighing options, pros and cons, and stressing myself out. Each school presented its own set of attractive qualities. I wanted them all!

Money was still an issue. Because I had changed jobs halfway through the year, I was now making a much lower adjunct salary than I had been making teaching at a public high school.  This didn’t translate in my tax return, which is the document that financial aid is based on. I had heard that some schools have an appeals process after initial scholarships have been awarded. I tried to appeal and present my case for more funding due to my low income. MICA didn’t not offer an appeal option, but the other schools did and each added several thousand dollars to my award.

MICA was the first to be crossed off my list. The tuition was already more expensive, the program lasted an extra year, and I honestly couldn’t get past its location in Baltimore. That might sound a little narrow of me, but I put a lot of weight on environment.

The other three were much more difficult to let go of. I was holding onto the idea of going to school in California. I knew that my significant other and I planned to move there in 5 or 6 years. I thought this would be a great way to establish connections there for potential teaching jobs. MFA programs seem to be very loyal to their alumni and often hire them after they graduate. I also love Northern California and thought it would be a great excuse to spend my summers there. I liked the slower, less competitive vibe I felt in my interactions with faculty and staff, especially with the summer’s visiting artists/faculty. But I had trouble getting in touch with students and that seemed a bit problematic.

My other issue with SFAI was that damn US News ranking. It came in around #25. SAIC was #2. I felt like part of this was the faculty and reputation the school had established. I thought that it might be more beneficial to capitalize on the name associated with SAIC and their legacy of renowned alumni. Sadly, I wrote the break-up letter to SFAI. I hesitated before hitting the “send” button.

At this point, UArts had offered me more money—half price tuition and a paid assistantship. It was so much more affordable than SAIC and closer to my family. The money weighed on me heavily. It didn’t rank high on the US News list—somewhere around 54.  I reasoned that no matter where I went, I would work my ass off and make things happen for myself. 

But I needed to make the networking count. If my MFA was just about cheap education, I could go to the state school 15 minutes from my house. I wanted the reputation that went along with a top school. Call me crazy. I thought that it would be to my advantage in the long run. Thinking ahead, I might be more likely to get a position at whatever school I attend, like my current situation. (I teach/adjunct at the private college where I received my BFA and MA.) Experience teaching at a top school could lead to another good job when I'm ready to move to the west coast. (There was a lot of rationalizing going on.)

I decided I would ask SAIC for more money. Again. Admissions thought this might be a possibility depending on their final enrollment. They said they would get back to me in a couple of days. This turned into three long weeks. In the end, they said they couldn’t up the award, but offered me a writing fellowship with a $1000 stipend to help relieve a little pressure of having no income while I was out there.

I talked to the director Gregg Bordowitz about the new program. He was very passionate about the plans for our group. He framed it as a new model of art education, which was something that I was interested in being a part of. I have a lot of experience building programs from scratch and felt a connection and excitement about being on the ground floor of this new endeavor in such a reputable institution.

I said a painful goodbye to UArts (for the second time) and gulped down the high tuition cost of SAIC in hopes that the connections and reputation at SAIC would pay off. I felt like I was gambling.

Getting In

Note: If you’re interested in the acceptance rates at the schools you’re applying to, just google “What is the acceptance rate for MICA” or whatever the school is. A lot of times you can find it on the school’s website, but try google for a quick reference.

The first school to respond to my application was UArts. I had automatically been accepted since I had gotten in last year. They conducted another interview though. They awarded me a scholarship that would pay for about 40% of tuition and offered a teaching fellowship if I wanted to stick around for the fall. They were willing to transfer 9 of my credits, which would save me even more money.

SFAI extended me an interview via skype. At the last minute, my program director had an emergency so the painting chair conducted my interview. That made me nervous, but she was very friendly and put me at ease immediately. A few weeks later they called with a full housing award. (SFAI is one of the few low res programs to offer housing awards.) I already had a friend out there who would let me crash, but the free housing near campus was much more convenient. They also awarded me a partial scholarship totaling around $15,000. With the $80,000 price tag, I was hoping for more. They would not transfer any of my credits in either.

I got a call from a core faculty member from MICA’s program. He said he loved the work and didn’t even have to think about whether he wanted to work with me. He knew I was a perfect fit. (Very flattering.) He said that I needed to set up an interview via skype, but that it was just a formality; I had already been selected. The interview was with him, another faculty member, and the low res director. It went smoothly except for when my mind went completely blank when asked what I was reading. I made a joke about it, they laughed and we moved on.  I got their scholarship award, a bit higher than SFAI, closer to $28,000, but there tuition was higher too. They would take 6 transfer credits.

I got a rejection letter from Bard. Again.

Tyler set up an interview. I was looking for an excuse to go to Philly, so I went in person. I presented my work to three faculty member and a room full of grad students with a Q and A at the end. Despite some technical difficulties, it was an awesome experience. I showed some images of a big project I had done in Philly. The students had gone to the show and remembered the work. One even said that it had been her favorite in the show. (!) I talked a lot about the collaborative work I had been doing. They wanted to know why I wanted to go to grad school when I had such a good thing going. I emailed with the director a bit after that. Then I didn’t hear from them for months, I assumed this was because they were a full time program and had a late notification deadline. When I finally did hear, it was rejection number 2. I was a little surprised because I thought everything went so well, but they were only accepting 4 students into their department. Those have never been good odds for me.

I hadn’t heard from SAIC and knew they were planning to conduct interviews at the end of January. January came and went so I assumed I didn’t get in. When I saw a letter in the mail, I braced myself for another rejection; I was really bummed about this one. But I got in! I was given a scholarship similar to my other offers, slightly more and later offered a writing fellowship as well. I received a friendly phone call a few days later from Michal Lynn (the go-to woman for low res) congratulating me on my acceptance and explaining the next steps.

A difficult decision lay ahead of me.

Low Res v. Full Time : Exploring the Options

As my first semester teaching at the college level was in full swing, I was so thankful that I had made the change to allow for a more flexible art making schedule. My students were awesome, invested, and talented. I knew I wanted to continue teaching in this arena.

My MFA research continued. I looked at the US News rankings for general studio programs, sculpture programs, and new media programs. Reputation was important. I thought that if I was up for a teaching job at an art school, I might have a better chance of getting a position if the school I went to was highly regarded. My years of teaching experience, exhibition resume, and work would fill in the rest. I focused on the top 25 and then looked at tuition cost, scholarship/fellowship availability, faculty, facilities, alumni and location. I read some helpful blogs that included “under-recognized” schools and schools that offered a near full time ride for being a teaching fellow.

I narrowed my interest by location first. I would stay along the east coast, go to California (which is where my significant other and I planned to end up) or go to Chicago. There were some great schools elsewhere, but I couldn’t see myself moving there long term. I scheduled some tours for schools in cities that I would be going through in the next few weeks-- Columbia (ranked #10), MICA (#7), SAIC(#2) and Temple’s program Tyler (#13).

My experience at Columbia was interesting. We walked through the main campus of the lib arts college to

get to orientation. It was gorgeous. I always wanted to live in the city. The faculty was all razzle dazzle (Kara Walker, Sanford Biggers, Shelly Silver, Sarah Sze—people I really admired. It was here that I first met Matthew Buckingham who worked in the film and video department. He wore a bow-tie, round mousey glasses and didn’t seem quite as hyped up as the rest of the faculty. He seemed the most down-to-earth and I was excited about working with him.)

The open house was jam packed.  The faculty was really direct and no-nonsense in explaining the program and answering questions. They were clear on the competitive nature of the program. As departments started to break off for Q&A sessions, you could feel the competitive atmosphere. I was intimidated. Some of my fellow candidates took the opportunity to let the light shine on them. Me me me me meeee….

My boyfriend thought they were mostly pretentious kids. Over lunch I tried to explain that this would be the norm for art schools. We headed to open studios uptown a short walk to a typically, old, run-down art building.  The spaces varied in size and light depending on what student worked on. They had their own doors and few common areas for exhibitions. The work was just…okay, which I guess is to be expected.

The vibe wasn’t great. It was mostly art school work I’d seen a million times. So maybe this place was more about making those essential NYC connections. The faculty announced that next year’s students would be working with Kara Walker on a public project. Sounded thrilling to me. (It turned out to be her project at the Domino factory.) But I left feeling undecided.

MICA was next, and although I wasn’t big on the idea of Baltimore, the school was awesome. I had a great tour, loved the vibe and the work, and was excited about the resources and public opportunities available. Studios were smallish with curtain doors, out there were some big dark spaces you could sign out for video installations. The admissions team was very accommodating about fitting in an early tour on my way to install a project in Richmond. I was becoming more interested in MICA because of the Low Residency option which was 8 weeks during the summer, for four summers. I knew it was a competitive program, very well respected…and very expensive.

SAIC was promoting a brand new low-res program too, but shorter than MICA’s—6 weeks for 3 summers. It was farther than Baltimore, but close to some family. I liked the idea that Chicago had its own art scene and was well connected to both coasts. We visited in December; it was cold and ugly out, and we had to pay $30 or something outrageous to park in the garage. I tried to remember that I would be there in the summer. I had come during warmer times and knew it would be nice weather.

The students leading the tour were very open about their experiences and down to earth. The tour, though, was sooooo long because the facilities were massive. Building after building of equipment. Coming from a lib arts school, I had never seen anything like it. It was overwhelming. The studio spaces they showed us were kind of small. Canvas curtains hung in the doorways. But I liked it. The cost was definitely an issue, but they offered a bit more in the way of scholarships than MICA. I didn’t get to interact with the faculty, but Matthew Buckingham was slated as an adviser and Art History teacher and Laurie Palmer, an artist I knew for collaborative work, was part of the core faculty.

Tyler was located on the edge of the rougher part of Philly. I was excited about being in Philly, but not sold on being there for the full-time program. There was no dedicated new media program there, so I would be applying to the sculpture department. The sculpture faculty and students were great--really helpful and proud of their program in an un-pretentious way. The studios were big and all had doors and locks. I was most interested in Tyler’s reputation for teaching fellowships. Because I had ten years of teaching experience, I felt that I had a good shot at a fellowship. It would help build my student portfolio and offer a very reduced tuition. However, the opportunity was currently available to second year students only.

I had visited another low res program the year before UArts, also in Philly, but right in the middle of everything. I love Philly because even though it’s a major city, it’s so manageable. I’m not afraid to drive there. It also has that strong neighborhood vibe, lively art/music scene and beautiful architecture. My experience at UArts special. The faculty and students are so invested in the program and very warm and welcoming. It’s an art school with great facilities in general, some fabulous architecture of its own, and a tight community. During the fall and spring semester, they pair you with a mentor close to your home and encourage you to think big about who you choose. They also offer teaching assistantships. They rank in the 50’s for US News, but I was still considering them because I clicked with the people immediately, totally dig the city, and had received a sizable scholarship from them when I applied last year.

I was also considering Hunter for its price, reputation, and location. It was a full time program and I had visited for an MFA show a few years ago and spoke with several students. The gallery space is enormous. The students I spoke with worked with New Media and felt plenty of support despite the fact that there was no dedicated New Media program.

SVA’s full time program was high in the rankings and known for their New Media work. I spent a bit of time there visiting a friend who taught there. I also heard that they had a low res program happening, but it wasn't my program.

Bard was still in the running for its highly reputable low res program and faculty. It was also close, which was convenient.

I was interested in a few schools in California because of the film/video reputation. There seemed like a few affordable full time option, particularly Berkeley. USC caught my attention in Blouin Art’s top 10 list. The price tag said $27,000 of free. The “free” tuition was awarded in as teaching assistantships. At this point, I decided I couldn’t do a full time program in CA. My relationship was somewhat flexible, but we were not in a place where we could move across the country permanently, and I didn’t want to go alone.

I decided I could do low res in CA and had a friend near San Fran; so I looked into San Francisco Art Institute which had a well-established low res program. SFAI emphasizes their interdisciplinary program. This was right up my alley. They ranked in the #20s and were already on my radar. The admissions department was top notch-- prompt responses, practical advice, friendly, knowledgeable. The school was bringing a collaborative art duo specializing in new media out to work with us this summer. I had a phone conversation with the artists and loved the vibe. They were from NY and were former alumni. They said that choosing to go to art school in CA changed their lives. It was an entirely different pace and outlook than NY. This is something I had heard before and was seriously considering.

Living in NY my whole life had contributed to a fierce belief that NYC was the art capital of the world. But I was becoming aware that this wasn’t the case; there was a much more global thing happening than I cared to admit. I wanted to break out of that.  SFAI was looking better and better.

I originally planned to apply to MICA, SAIC, SFAI, Columbia, Hunter, Tyler, UArts, and Bard, some low res and some full time programs. The problem was, I was on adjunct salary, application fees added up to around $700 and money was so tight. I had to really make some decisions. I decided on low res for the way it would fit into my lifestyle. I could keep building up my experience teaching at college and I wouldn’t have to uproot my little family. It would be a summer adventure, wherever I went.

Columbia and Hunter both had the most expensive application fees at $120 each; so taking them off the list helped. UArts waived my fee since I had been accepted the year before. I prioritized SAIC’s early deadline because the fee was reduced to $40 if I could get it in by November 30. MICA was $60, which wasn’t bad. Bard was around $70. SFAI waived my fee since I was in a financial bind. (Sometimes it pays to ask!) But then there was Tyler. I decided that even though it was full time, I would apply because it offered the nearly free tuition and the teaching fellowship. It was close enough that I could make it work for my family if necessary. There fee was around $70 also.

For the most part, all the colleges used the same application slide manager, which made it easy to submit images because I could pull from an image pool that I only had to upload once. But it’s worth talking to the admissions team about what you submit. Every school is looking for something a little different. For example, Bard wanted 5 examples of older work along with 20 of new work. SFAI wanted multiple bodies of work. Everyone wanted an essay, but each was slightly different. I asked for letter of recommendation ahead of time and the application website allowed them to be submitted electronically; so no stamps necessary.

The applications were in. And the waiting began.

The MFA Debacle

I did my undergrad at a small private college in upstate NY. They had an option that allowed me to get my BFA and gain certification for teaching art at the K-12 level. I was lucky enough to get a job teaching while I was going to school. I knew I wanted to eventually teach in college, but at that moment, I was content teaching high school. I thought teaching at the college level was a long way off, maybe when I was 40.

Part of the requirement to continue toward Professional Certification in New York State is that you must receive your master’s degree within five years of graduating. I took a few years off, made some work, and applied to 3 schools that were commuting distance-The College of Saint Rose (where I had done my undergrad), Bard’s Low Res MFA Program, and SUNY New Paltz’s MFA program. I wanted to continue to teach while I was in grad school.

At the time, Saint Rose offered an MS in art education, which would satisfy my certification requirement. I knew they were also just starting an MA in Studio Art, which was a 30 credit program, half the amount of an MFA and all night classes. New Paltz had an MFA program and an MA program in Studio Art. I was outright rejected from Bard’s program (understandably so with the quality of my work at this point.) Their summer program only accepted 4 painters out of about 800 applicants. I was accepted into the MA program at New Paltz, with a potential to move to the MFA after the first semester if I “showed potential.” In the end, I chose comfort. I knew everyone at St. Rose; it was close; it was quick (but not cheap); and I could continue working. The school I worked for offered a little bit of financial assistance for this. I reasoned that if I ever wanted my MFA, I would already have 30 of the 60 completed. No one said otherwise. I was the first to graduate with the MA in Studio Art 2 years later.

After eight years of teaching, I took a year off to work on my own art and develop connections in my art community. It worked, maybe too well. The work started to take off. I was accepted into 14 shows that year. I started a collaborative with one of my former classmates working with new media and site specific installation.

One of our installations, Cibacron F, 2012

The following year, I went back to teaching full time, but it wasn’t the same. I had experienced the rush of my own work and was struggling to fit it in to my full time career. I felt like all of my creative energy went into teaching my high school students. By the time I got home, I was exhausted, and had no mental energy to work on proposals. I had to take personal time off to install the shows that we had already been accepted into. I tried to fit it in on weekends and holidays. It was exhausting, frustrating, and ultimately something that I couldn’t maintain.

The answer came in the form of a job offer from my former art education professor at St. Rose. She set me up with a few classes at the college and connected me to some satellite work for Alfred University as well. I would make just enough to scrape by as an adjunct, but have plenty of time for my own work. I decided it was worth it. The school was also interested in starting a New Media program. The potential of starting this was really exciting, but I learned quickly that the college (like most others) would only hire full time faculty with a terminal degree—in this case and MFA.

I started researching programs a little late in the year and missed many deadlines, but I applied to three. I chose RPI’s full time MFA program because it was walking distance from my house and was rated #6 in the nation for their New Media focus. I also applied to another full time program nearby, SUNY Albany. It didn’t rank high on anyone’s list, but it was close and very affordable. My collaborator had done his undergrad at UArts in Philly, a city I loved. They had a 6 week summer low residency program, which seemed appealing because I could get a taste of living in Philly, but still maintain my home and job in NY. It wasn’t cheap, but I knew there were scholarships.

After interviews and tours, I was accepted to all three programs. SUNY didn’t offer any scholarships, but said fellowships were available to second year students. It made the $7k/year state school even more affordable. RPI offered me a decent scholarship too, close to half off, which would put the cost at around $25k/year. UArts offered me there merit scholarship, which is only awarded to one student per year. It was an honor and made the cost of attending close to SUNY’s price.

The disappointment came in learning that my 30 credits from my MA were useless. I could only transfer 6-12 credits, depending on the school. All that money I had spent would count for nothing toward an MFA. Almost nothing, anyway. But I didn’t have many options.

I read endless blogs and articles and websites about the programs. In the process, I learned more about many other schools with more reputable programs, some affordable, some with teaching opportunities, all across the country. I also read a bazillion articles that said MFA programs were a complete waste of time and money. I listened to a Dave Hickey lecture where he said that professors at art school only know how to “build old cars”. They’re not doing anything new, and can only teach you to build old cars. I read about DIY MFAs and well-known artists who never went for their MFAs. This all made a lot of sense to me. The caveat was that if you wanted to teach at the college level, you needed the MFA; otherwise, it was to be avoided like the plague.

I weighed my options, talked to many people I respected, and decided I would not go to any of the schools. I needed to do more research and apply again next year. I could keep my adjunct position without an MFA. I realized that if I was to do an MFA program, I really needed to make it count for something. It needed to go beyond just the opportunity to teach at the college level. I needed to make connections, network, establish ties in other places, push my work, read, learn. All this, it could be argued, can be done without spending the money, but if I needed the MFA for teaching, I might as well take full advantage. What I really wanted to do was just be an artist, but I couldn’t see any other way of making a living beyond teaching, until I was more established. I thought the way to be more established was to start the networking part of things beyond my community, which wasn’t something that came natural to me. School would help. I would be patient.